How to Acclimate to Adulthood in 10 Days

Tomorrow starts week 3 of my first “real” job. I know I wrote a month ago about trying to accept the very depressed and very lonely state I have been in. Well, a couple weeks after I wrote that I got TWO job offers and had multiple other interviews. I am pleased with the choice I made but I have been so busy adjusting, moving, and getting acclimated, that I haven’t made the time to check-in with myself and evaluate my progress. So here are my thoughts and observations on ten things I have learned in the past two weeks about myself, working, and adulthood.

  1. Being the new person in the office has its pros and cons. Pro: Everyone wants to get to know you. Con: Everyone already knows each other, has their own cliques, and you’re in that awkward “how do I fit in here” phase. This is important because you’re unsure whether your coworkers are actually starting to like you or are just trying to find out everything that’s wrong with you. Honestly, it is probably both.
  2.  Coffee needs its own spot on the food pyramid. Middle school health class lied. Coffee IS a food group.
  3. Go to bed early every night. And unlike childhood there are no complaints because I cannot wait to see my pillow.
  4. Baths are for more than masturbating. They are now an excuse to avoid everyone in the house for at least 40 minutes and to soak the pain of high heels away. Pro Tip: wear sneakers and then change into heels at the office.
  5. Shapewear and pantyhose ARE necessary and are sexy. Not trying to body shame anyone but no one looks as good as they possibly can without a little help from the spandex gods. Bonus if you’ve got an hourglass shape because your waist DOES NOT EXIST.
  6. It is helpful to have worked in college and in high school. Not only does it give you some experience, but it helps you prove to your older coworkers you are not the average privileged liberal arts know-it-all college graduate. You are so much more than that.
  7. It’s a great feeling to get paid for meaningful work. It’s even better when you realize that you’re in work most of the time so you will have less time to spend your hard-earned paycheck at ULTA and Panera Bread.
  8. People treat you like a real adult when you’re made up and in your business casual separates even if you have a baby face. And men who also have full time jobs and are in sexy suits will notice you and WILL make eye contact. Yes, I like a man in a suit. And yes, we should totally get a drink after work while I imagine what you look like without that Calvin Klein blazer and J Crew button up..
  9. College was worth the investment. Period.
  10. I am finally a productive member of society and am no longer suffering from post-college depression.

Basically, my first few weeks have been great. I’m not going to say they’ve been perfect because I’ve ruined two pairs of stockings, I’m broke until my first paycheck, and I’m pretty sure this one lady I work with cannot stand me (and it may or may not be my fault) but overall I am enjoying my first post-grad job. Now all I need to do is get through training and my probation period, find my own apartment, and find a man to have wine with on Friday nights who enjoys politics, electronic music, and art. I’ll keep you guys updated.

I’m feeling blessed. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m determined to work hard, play hard, and be grateful for this opportunity.



I wonder if I’m gonna be fucked up in all of my next relationships

I talk badly about myself because of the way you dated me

Came over whenever you felt like it and used me for sex

Dinner every other Thursday does not make up for how you gave me so much less

Much less than I gave you and even myself

That night on the hill I fell in love now I’m filled with so much unrest

Because what I thought was love was once again abuse and obsession

The only good part about dating you was now I’ve learned my lesson

I’ve become more tough and less tolerant

More focused on myself and less impressed

I try and hold my shoulders back and be appreciative of my body when I get dressed

I can’t blame myself for your misuse and abuse

But I can take accountability for all my future actions

The sad part is that before this all it was with you I saw my happily ever after

Now you won’t let me be…you stalk and harass me

Make me terrified to live my life

Worried I’m a future episode of Criminal Minds

But I refuse to break down and I have to keep pushing forward

No longer under your control I’m beginning to mend my broken womanhood

So the next time I date someone I know I’ll be much more happy

I’ll be with someone who loves my summertime skin tone and my kinky hair that’s nappy

I’m going to work on lifting myself up and feeling positive about who I am meant to be

Thank god I’m no longer with you

Finally, I’m free