Pains of Growing

Projection or the truth?

I get my I.D taken and secretly revel in the apparent shock of the clerk at my youth

He hands me my cigs and I walk proudly out the door

Then the feeling sinks in that this is why I can no longer relate to other women like before

Like before when they made a hate club about me

Spread rumors and lies and got mad because I am genuinely the girl who gets the guys

It gets worse when you get to the professional sphere…

The competition increases as the age and the beauty separates from the old who have fulfilled their duties

Brains and booty, spandex to reign it all in

No matter how big you paint your smile you can’t seem to win

The judgement weighs in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sticks and stones and all those other things

Wondering what the future will bring

Growth and maturity but history repeats itself

Cattiness and anger to hide the complexities and the vulnerabilities of the inner self

Long drives home because you just need to be alone

Add alcohol and other substances to the mix and one becomes more in tune with the way that others think

You feel like you need to hold back as the energy vampires feed off your brightness

You leave the house everyday filled with so much light only to return with so much darkness

These parallels and binaries of good vs. evil and standing out vs. fitting in

Just for once you fall asleep and ask yourself why the hell you just can’t seem to get it

Deep down inside everyone is a mess and has their vices and outlets to unload burdens and weights off of their chest

Fucked up from your ex, texts from your mom, same shit different story and you dedicate a Spotify playlist to the soundtracks of your life and mood music that is full of bullshit songs

Do we live to break hearts or do hearts break because others live?

It’s times like these I really wish I had Dumbledore’s pensieve




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