Pretty Girl Problems

They ask you how you could still be single because your exterior is beautiful

Educated, independent, a good heart, living  a life that’s fruitful

You accept the compliments with caution and agree to a date

You think things are going well and you’re willing to accept his less forgiving traits

Then he leans in for a kiss and his hands start to travel

You were so excited a moment ago, now you feel your interest begin to waver and unravel

You begin to wonder why men treat you like a piece of ass

Your guard goes up and you become disheartened by the number of men trying to move so fast

All you want is for someone to take the time and appreciate you beyond the curve of your lips and the rise in your hips

These attributes that would normally attract someone become a hurdle you can’t overcome

Why are you still single? It’s not because all guys suck

It’s because the cold-hearted truth is most men aren’t secure enough to want a pretty girl for more than a fuck

Your beauty becomes something to be captured, not held onto

Your personality becomes something tolerated for the chance to see you naked

Your capabilities are constantly doubted because you take the time to do your makeup

You begin to feel like an object and your personhood becomes obsolete

You ask God every night to send you man that will love you beyond what he sees

It’s hard to find someone already since so many women will give it up for free

Is it too much to ask to want someone who truly SEES me?

You know something’s up when you don’t give it up and a guy ghosts

I’m sorry that I don’t want to invite you over for something most likely mediocre

Yeah he spent $40 on a happy hour, but I could have paid for myself

To put a price on what’s between my legs is selfish

You become lonely, sexually frustrated, and suspicious of everyone’s intentions

Each time you take a chance, he goes and says something you wish he hadn’t mentioned

About his desire to do nasty things to you, his horniness, or his need to experiment with your race

They say pretty girls have it easy, but can anyone explain the sadness behind my brave face?

 

 

 

Swallow

You ever wonder how some people manage to effortlessly find love time and time again while the rest of us swipe right on Tinder on our lunch breaks, debate whether or not we should text our long distance hook up buddies who we have feelings for, agonize over why when we go out guys ignore us but stare all night, and puzzle over why all of our exes refused to fully commit to us but end up seriously falling for their next partner?

Oh you don’t? Well maybe it’s just me.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t bitter, angry, heartbroken and confused as to why if I’m such a catch I constantly get told “I don’t want a relationship right now” or am admired from a distance or downright scarily pursued by men only for sexual purposes. I’m attractive, college educated, strong, generous, loyal, great in the bedroom, and overall what I would describe as “wifey material”. Yet for some reason I am having so much trouble finding men who I can vibe with and who treat me like more than a piece of ass or a jump-off.

Today I sat in my car and I thought about why this keeps happening to me. And then I realized maybe the issue isn’t me as a person but it’s the people I give my time and attention to and the moves that I make when I’m pursuing someone. I have a tendency to get annoyed when a guy blows up my phone with “how was your day” texts when I’m not his girlfriend, but I also have a tendency to give my heart and my panties up to men who I’m not even sure  really like me. This is a tough pill to swallow but I feel like accepting this is the first step towards making the change from the catch that’s never being caught to the woman who is being loved.

I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I’m guarded, skeptical, and secretly love the chase. But there comes a point in life where meaningless sex, confusing “go with the flow” relationships, and sending ass pics to a crush to keep him interested becomes redundant and lonely. Perhaps I’m blocking myself from love because I’m relying on my looks and my sex skills to attract men out of fear of revealing what’s in my heart and who I am as a person.

Once upon a time I was a prude and a sweetheart and I was so lonely and teased mercilessly for it. So I decided that if holding onto my virtue wasn’t getting the boys maybe focusing on my looks and my head game would. I wish I could say that girl grew up and knows better now, but after entering the dating scene after a three year relationship and almost a year of celibacy, I’ve realized that confused young girl is still in there looking to please because she just wants someone to see beyond the front she puts up.

Truth of the matter is, I’m not confused about why I’m single. I’m single because I distance myself from men willing to put in the effort to know me beyond my exterior and what’s between my legs. I’m single because I’m horny and impulsive as well as slightly manic depressive so a few drinks at the bar and I’m ready to hop into bed with anyone who I vibe with and who says a few nice words. Truth of the matter is behind all my credentials I have not given dating a serious effort. I’m faking it to compensate for my fear of loving and actually being loved back.

I’m not saying I’m not a wonderful woman. I’m not saying I’m not worthy of love or don’t know my worth. I’m just trying to use this space to admit that perhaps instead of wondering why I’m single and lonely maybe I need to confront it and make some changes.

My first change? I think I’m going to give a nice guy a chance.

My second change? I think I’m going to try and open up a bit.

My third change? I think I’m going to accept the fact that I want to be loved and that I don’t have to perform for love from someone else. Sex shouldn’t be the only thing I offer someone. I need to let my personality shine through before the clothes come off.

Truth of the matter is you can love yourself and still make mistakes in love.

I’m just trying to love myself better.

The last step? Accepting some tough love from myself.

 

Friends and Benefits

The anticipation built, butterflies in my stomach

Waiting for the moment when I could feel your touch again

Your lips like a forbidden fruit picked fresh from a tree

Your hands so gentle yet so firm traveling all over my body

I touch your hair, feel your facial scruff

Tell you that I’m nervous even though I’ve been craving your touch

Feeling a little uneasy but your confidence makes me sure

My hands scratch the bed and I beg you for more

Your body so warm, your hands so strong

Time flies by and then the night is gone

Multiple bursts of orgasms like fourth of july fireworks

The desire has escalated so much that it hurts

The worst part of all this is not the fact I can’t see you every day

It’s the way you make my body move as I moan your name

I’m trying to keep this casual and not get so caught up

But every time I think about you, hooking up just isn’t enough

I try and keep it cool but I’m worried this oxytocin has me sprung

A dangerous hormone for the female psyche and I don’t want you to know you’ve won

You’ve captured my body, and you’re on the way to infiltrating my spirit

I can’t let you have my heart because I’m afraid to let anyone near it

See, this is the danger of liking someone you fuck

Especially when they know the difference between hitting it and making love