At the moment I’m caught between a dilemma: two men that both lack what I want in certain areas. The gag is, meeting them both has made me realize that I am unsure about what I want. Both of these men I met on tinder. I have recently deleted the app for the 6th or 7th time this year.
Guy #1 and I had sex once, he sent me money afterwards when I jokingly asked for some cash for my monthly Brazilian wax, and has expressed an interest in seeing me further. The downside is he mentioned multiple times he has anger issues and because of my abusive ex I really do not want to pursue anything further. When I asked him what he’s looking for he said he doesn’t want anything serious. So I’m confused as to why he was bummed when I told him my heart belongs to guy #2.
Guy #2 is something else. From the moment we met each other there was an instant connection. We’ve been seeing each other for a month or two and have not had sex. We talk about sex, fool around, and genuinely get along as much as we argue. I recently saw him after a two week break ( we were fighting) I hooked up with Guy #1 out of spite, loneliness, and curiosity of how I felt about him. I thought about him the whole time despite the sex being decent. He knows I saw #1 but I lied about having sex with him. Guy #2 has a lot of health problems, has three jobs, and is still in school. He says he is not in a place in his life to commit to someone because he’s still trying to juggle all his other commitments. Guy #2 has expressed he does not want me to see anyone else and gets mad if I bring up us both seeing other people.
Both these men pose a problem. They both do not want a relationship and I’m tired of being the girl that guys enjoy being around but don’t want a relationship with. Call it a curse but at least two of my “exes” are still with the women they met after we ended things despite telling me they didn’t want a relationship. Several other men I’ve talked to or hooked up with are also in relationships after saying they didn’t want a relationship. I’ve been single for about a year and a half and I feel like maybe I should be trying to get into another relationship but then again…. I’m also about to see a therapist in an hour for help coping with the abusive habits I picked up from my last relationship.
If you go online all the dating coaches talk about how if a guy says he does not want a relationship then you need to walk away. Yet I keep ending up in these situations and I wonder if it’s because deep down inside I don’t want to be in a relationship either.
The thing that annoys me about both guys is the fact that it’s very clear they like me. Guy #1 expressed whoever guy #2 is must be a “lucky man” but then proceeded to say he doesn’t want a relationship. Guy #2 was worried he had sexually and emotionally lost me to someone else when we met up but constantly reminds me I overthink things and to go with the flow. Honestly for the past six years of my life I’ve met a ton of guys who admire me, enjoy being around me, and have liked me but have never met a man in my life who actually wanted to be in a relationship with me. The only serious relationship I’ve been in took a year for a commitment.
Why do I keep attracting these men who are clearly into me but do not want to commit? Am I being too open in some ways? Should I be playing cat and mouse games to prolong the chase? I try to always be myself in a relationship yet am puzzled as to why other women have men jumping through hoops for their attention and men are so hot and cold once they get an opportunity to be with me in some type of way.
Guy #2 said it makes him laugh when girls say they are queens but keep settling. Was this a subconscious message? Am I settling? Or am I actually overthinking things and someday my prince will come? A friend of mine recently said being beautiful, talented, and educated gives me a lot more power than most and I need to utilize it. I believe this is true and I used to revel in my power but now I feel like I don’t know what to do with it. What good is being an empress if the throne next to you is collecting dust?
In case you haven’t noticed, I really like guy #2. Despite everything I keep trying to do to get rid of him, he won’t leave. So what do I do?
I guess I’ll ask KP at 7:30.